no one knows what it's like....but deep down we have always felt the same....y should i cry?y should i clutch my grief,and linger around it?there are so much suffering around me,so y the hell am i bothered with my own self?cant live like this...who i am is a huge question.but what am i doing is even bigger....one of my closest person once told me,no relation can work out...both the girl and the boy has enough grudge against each other at the end of the day...so truly he spoke..so y the hell should we go so acid and poison about this issue,when no relation will work out then why the hell should we try?marriage is hell lot of commitment,and I'm not ready for it...being an Indian girl of 21 i have enough pressure on me on this subject,but no one can force me into a commitment till i want...I'm scared,marriage is so off my cards i cant even think of it...not now,not ever...cause no relation will ever work out for me...and I'm too tired of trying to get myself engaged with a person,cause nothing works out..there must be something wrong with me,this total system-I'm a huge misfit...but I'm happy with myself,my own little world....the problem is basic...sex feels like sex,no comfort,no sense of belonging,no safe feelings...nothing...it's an empty feeling..so i cant be physically devoted to someone...the last time my body kind of belonged,rather i felt my totality belongs to one person was when we were alone and u held me in Ur arms so closely,and safely i really felt nothing can harm me...that was the last time i belonged.....but our ways had to separate,like it always did....u going to your happy place,n me getting on a vehicle...destinations may change,but the distance remains n widens...someone spoke truly-no relation can work out.....so y should we even entertain ourselves with it?what it gives more than pain?and speaking of pain,I've seen more....poverty,hunger,betrayal,cruelty,lust...people are suffering enough...i want to fight for that...for betterment,for humanity,i want to help and do my share of good...my close one once told me-'when people critisise u,ur ough't to be doing something good and something different,believe in what u do and move on,that's life'....he was a boy then,n now he's a man...i understand what he meant...thanx buddy,i owe you...i waana do now what i believe in,help people...not for any cheap greatness,but for myself,otherwise i fear i might end up being self-centered...