i hate my life.i hate every part of it i swear....no matter what i do the huge weight of the expectations is never lifted of my chest....explains my breathing troubles....if i trip just for one moment,i find myself 10feets under the ground,buried,suffocated....about those extra miles i should walk,i know they would never end....no matter how hard i try people will only remember my fall,and how badly others are hurt....well what about the part where  im broken,where i feel alone to the core,i feel betrayed and not loved,unwanted....don't buy me commodities,they can't buy me....i cant change who i am,i would rather not exist...coz being different,on an introvert is part of being me.....may be im not good for the rest of the world,but im good for me.....i want myself to be me,to stick by me till the very end coz no one else will....im a loner now i guess....in my mind i find it empty and dark...the only time i feel real,alive is when im with u jake....people are so fake,n i still have to justify them....too much time has passed,true,nothing can be undone now....commodities wont by my pains,my humiliations,my ruined screwed up mind..i spit on them....i dont even remember the last time i was happy.....all iv been lately is working,like dogs,for grades,for money,done things i never wanted,iv coped....now i feel sick to the edge of it....i feel i can throw up with my empty stomach...im done,im so so done......i quit this foolishness....i wont beg anymore,for food,for mercy.....i wont eat like a dog...true,iv not eaten since last 2days,and to be honest,i dont feel any hunger....i dont care if i die now,i wont end this....no matter how worse or ugly things get......i wont quit on this,i wont quit on me...
p.s-note to the rest of the world-nothing will change with me,so,all attempts made are gonna be in vein.....so,if u want a different version of me,i hope u enjoy disappointment....

biday

jolsunyo chokhe biday janai tomake
jibitoder bhir theke mishey jabo ak moha sunye,
amar mrito chokhe tai jol nei
ache bubhukkhu machider shoddo para dim...

... shilper tarona ache,shilpir shudhu mrityu,
amake bojhar bhar nai ba chapale aar
tomader oi ak khupri mostishker ghare..
utshob koro mortobashi...PAGLI MORECHE,MORBE....

ami to mrito chilam shotabdi purbeo,
tokhono chilo chitkar,bhortshona,dhikkar...
ghennara aajo shohobash kore tomader chahonite..
tomar slesh-bakkera aajo tate chappa mere jay..

tobuo shey mritodehe kichu ushnota baki chilo,
tokhono amar mangsho khuble khuble khute
roshonar tripto bashonay unmad hoyni,
jajabor lolup potonger dol...

kobir protibader gola tepa shohoj
tobu probol jontrona niye shorob thake kobitara..
amar mostishko-proshuto bejonmar dol,
amari moto abol-tabol opangteyo...

ghune chata shada bashi mora thonte
kothao ektu bhasha roye gache baaki
oke urte dao,mukti dao,shesh hok nihshash,
amar e shobdeho dao ognigorbhe shope...

tomader bhire amar sthan nei atotuku,
chilona ja ta thakbe na konodino....
osru noy falo kerosin ei lekhay
oshustho kobinir oshustho bidayer aahuti....

it was meant to be this way,u n i,u always rulling over...no matter i like it or not i just have to obey...i wish things would have changed,i wish u did not know every single person close to me...i wish u had known none...i deal with this pain everyday...when i choak on the dreams..i remember what you had told my mother that you couldnt care less..death was easy back then.u left that day...n i never awaited your return...lifes been a bitch without you...but it made me strongest,n bitchiest perhaps.

sad but true...y i cant be happy,without you...for just one day,just one day..for just one day,i wanna flush you out of my system,wanna stop thinking of u n be happy..happy with just myself...please,please go away from my head...n never come back...

finally

finally after so many days of silent watching,finally another one...and this time its something that uplifts my soul...iv been sad but patient..it suprizes me at times how patient i am when it comes to you...and yes i am rewarded each time...its been very long n tiresome though..and yes...thank u..i thought u would quit..but u came back again...thank u for giving me my reason to live..

the little thing

তোমার সাথে সব দিন-রাতে মায়াবী সম্ভোগ,

তোমার মুখে আগুন,আর আমার মুখে অগ্নি-সংযোগ....

আমার মস্তিস্ক পরাবাস্তবতায়ে লীন,

আর অবশ স্নায়ুতন্ত্রে acetyle -choline.....

তোমার সাদা শরীর জড়িয়ে ধরি হাতের কনে,

কখনো ঠোঁট রাখি তোমার গায়ে সন্তর্পনে....

তুমি আমার স্নায়ুর মিছিলে বৃষ্টির পথ হাঁটো,

তুমি আমার নিঃসন্গতায়ে নীল ঘুম হয়ে আসো.....

তোমার শরীর উত্তাপে পুরে ছাই...

কুড়িয়ে তোমায়ে আবার  আগুন জালাই...

তোমার শরীরী উত্তাপে যৌনতা পাই বা না পাই,

তোমার বাহুপাশে তাই বারুদ রেখে যাই....

তুমি আমার বিদেহী রাতের চিহ্ন,

  রোজ ই তোমায় দাম দিই তার জন্য....

নেভালেও শেষ হও না কোনদিন,

আমার স্নাযুবন্দী তাই acetyle -choline ......

brishtir gaan ki je bhalolage
tui bolechili tai.......
ami je akhon ekhan theke megher dol pathai.......
okhane jhorbi rimjhim r ekhane jhorbo ami......
naki bole dibi shobtai aaj paaglami....PAGLAMI.....

brishti

blue

its strange....strange how i am in love with blue....the colour,the music n the people.......for xample e_blue,neel,neelda.....n a girl who is so pretty and she must be awesome.....winning someone over wasn't easy...its tough like hell,i know.....(from personal experiences)....lol....but yes awesome she must be.....i wish i could know you more,i know we would have been great friends.....but under present circumstances & according to rationalism that wont be possible anymore....retarded situation,& someone is even more retarded....reminds me of ranbeer kapoor...loser....but i do like the blue babe a lot......

kothao brishti pore,kothao kanna jhore
kothao kon ak bidehi premika jehad jari kore....
obolar ache osru r amar ache khisti,
tomar duare ghure ghure ami debona r firisti....
tomar ache kolke,r amar pithe dana...
tomar akasher buke ami thik khuje nebo nijer thikana....

aaj raat tuku hok shudhu tor ar  amar
aaj raate gota prithibike chure fele diye tui aye kache....
amar buk jure biraat shunyer hahakar
taar modhye toke ghire akta gota prithibi toiri ache....

can there ever be a fare competetion between a witch and a bitch?and whome would u like to seek?how far can u go?someday u have to trip...the pieces hates the sun,n the insect hates the rain..so at night it may rain..it must rain..

two face

it might rain tonight...the heat still crawling up my chest..my eyes tightly shut with fear..pain,pleasure or is it simple polyrythms?the thing has a long,slender curved shadow always casted upon my face like a spell,a wicked one though...i rise,i sit,i sleep...n i sleepwalk...then again it might just rain...blood n sweat...then there is her,the pretty-face,the pillow-lips...the desired object..might be a mermaid as well,n if u follow the myth...she would do great with some fresh pouring rain..evolution th
http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=313050038697043202

My biggest sin was falling in love...i shouldnt have done it..cause,my life isnt a fairy tale...and most likely there are no happy endings..... p.s: Dont read this randomshit..u n i both are insignificant..n so is this(according to u)

i look at u,and i see change...i look around and i see change,finally i look at the mirror and here also i see change....n i like what i see...so change is good for-a-change...:)...the winds of change finally hitting the west bengal then..L.O.L...:P

after a long long time im writting again..n finding it difficult to concieve...they say u should grow up..well here is the thing..what is it like to grow?is it simple mitosis?or is it a more complex process involving action potential generation in ur cerebral hemesphere?or is it just to simplify?iv known grown up people all my life,n they are more complecated than nash eqillibrium!how retarded is that! i figured i dont need to grow up,im just happy being me....:)

after so many days it is coming to me yet again..who can say im not happy,but me..forgive me all of u,i cant tell you why i am so unhappy from inside,y my heart weeps..not becoz i dont trust u,bt i can hurt u no more,and yes im alone n sadcore,despite all the efforts,i cant change the way i feel..my love,my traitor,my death,my sweet melancholy,how sweet are ur lips,but i can kiss u no more,it brings me pain but helpless i am...ur scent is sweet,ur eyes are blue(imaginary),but life is a whore,n so are u...w

ashbe keu,othoba ami chole jabo...akbar shudhu akbar toke dyakhar jonne,toke joriye dhorar jonne monta chotfot korche..tui to shob janish bujhish..please taratari kache aye,besi deri korle amay r dhorte parbina..jani tuio chash abar amar kache khub kache ashte..

onek din onek onek din kichu likhini..pray 2-3 mash..kano janina..may be ichche hoyni..ichcher cheyeo boro tagid..tagidta chilona..aajo tamon nei tao shudhu emni habijabi lekha likhchi.monta osthir.onek kichui akshathe bhalo lagche na..riju,tui thakle khub bhalo hoto,matha nere kota gyan diti amay..akta upay batle diti,amar kharap lagata ube jeto.kintu jani toke pabona..tobe ei je tor naamta niye akebare blog likhlam,nijer ei shahoshta dekhe valo lagche..jodio eta faltu,tobu ami etodine shotti boro holam..
http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=313050038697043202