after i came back from my north bengal trip i cannot think straight anymore. most of my times im thinking of you two. this i must confess first to myself then to you two. my love for you people has increased exponentially and now not a second passes without me thinking of you. its insane and totally harmful for me because someone inside tells me all the time- you people are not here to stay. but confess as i must it will probably break me when you people leave. i honestly dont know will i ever be able to let you people go. i am disappointed with my damn self that i have let you in so much that now there is no looking back. but the worse part is i dont know how much you people value me. at this point it's sick but ill have to admit i do not care anymore about your values. i just know i cant help myself may be hugely because i dont want to. am sinking, am freaked out, am stressed, am scared. yet what keeps me going i cant tell for sure. its just that when you two are together, and happy, and smiling and content i feel a kind of fulfillment within myself. as if something in me is complete. but when you two are fighting, when my girl is sadcore and that moron is indifferent it kind of breaks me too. i did not realize still how much was left in me, until i met you two. cant share this pain with you guys, as you guys are the cause of it. and this kind of confession will create a distance amongst us. that will be too much to bear for me. my sanity depends hugely on you people now. its just better to keep you two away from facts like this. no matter how mesmerizing the little one is i cant trust him. i am sorry but i cant. not because he is complicated but more because i fail to understand the complexities within him. yet i am so madly attached to such a moron... and as for my girl what can i say? life is just so unfair. i wish to be with her till eternity but then why does that person in me is telling me not to go any deeper. i tried, i am still trying my best to avoid getting any closer. i wanna run away man. but where do i have an escape from my retarded memories! i have tried to avoid their company, tried ignoring them as a whole. i failed..failed badly. will i ever gain back my composure! man i am one hell messed up person...sweet lord christ save me. return to me salvation...
