being dumb..

Dumbness is an expression, the feeling though is being voiceless...if i can coin this situation as a monotonous diseased condition then, yes again it started...again...again im losing my voice...i have words, so many of them, so many, but confided in my mind..."overcrowding" is the word, yes my thoughts again overcrowding, casting a huge slithery shadow on my mind, yes they slither...im hopelessly positive to find my voice again, sing my heart out like a lark, but then again nothing comes out. I love them, as they all love me. but so much to comprehend, and so little coming out. Haven't felt this dumb for a while, and here it is again, relapsing over n over,like some weird carcinoma. I wish i could be chirpy, talkative again, i miss being the cheerful me.

N.B: I'm diagnosed with chronic obstructive pulmonary disorder(Again!). Few diseases kill you slowly, and they've got no cure, no matter how strong or positive you are you cannot cure a few heartaches ever.

Some left-alone facts

1. about life and love-
If there is one word for me in this universe then it should be "spontaneous"..i am all about doing it NOW.....:)
it is only after 2007, when i was brought back to life from my suicidal attempt (yes! don't look so surprised, i wanted to kill myself and succeeded to some extent as well! it was a spontaneous stupidity!) i started seeing things in a different light, yes! it was a turning point of my life, and though you are infuriated with me jake, it is mainly because of your and Sudip's efforts that i am this reformed person. Without your love my life would have been impossible. I know you are not going to read this, i still wanted some kind of documentation of this fact. let the readers know you are one prime reason of me-being-me....my one best friend, you are you always. Now i acknowledge all the love around me, respect them and to top them all love myself and those who belong to me. I accept all that comes with wide open arms and let go of what is disturbing my mental peace. I let things touch me at all the right places, and all my wrong places are heavily guarded. So, no one affects me without my permission. My wishes and impulses have risen in values like the rising index of gold.
2. about scars and defences-
Like everyone else i too have a fare share of scars from life. Life is like a naughty kid, if you play along with him and don't let him win he will inadvertently give you a lot of scars, yes! he will cheat on you. My suggestion forgive him and do the fare play in the end life will make amends with you. Do not beckon to him yet pay him respect, let him get tired of cheating, teach him a lesson of positivity and he will reward you back. I have never felt so positive for years now. Don't worry about the scars, wear them like an ornament like aging people wear there grey hairs as a proud possession of their wisdom and maturity. Let your guards down, enjoy life, but remember all the time where you hide your aces and spades
3. About physicality...
Your body is a temple where a part of almighty is residing. Take good care of it. It was not given to you so that you can conduct weird experiments on it. True you only have the full ownership of your body but while using it as an experimental device listen to your heart-call. There you will hear the eternal light speaking to you. It is no toy, respect it and it will reward you with good health and lots of positivity, treat it like another commodity and it will take a toll on your mind. Your body is not an object it has a mind of its own, do not underestimate its power, keep it happy, keep it content and pleased all the time. remember it is after all a temple, treat it likewise.

being The woman...

Like all the other women under the sun she too likes taking care of her man..she likes to cook hearty meals for him, and feed him well...it gives her immense happiness when he is well-fed (yes both mentally and physically)..she likes to pack his meal-boxes, sometimes carry them over to him when he is too exhausted after a busy working day or a strenuous exam..it is moments like these when her heart tells her to stuff his mouth with spoons full of comfort foods...his well-being keeps her content and giver her the peace of mind..and sometimes a word or two of appreciation from him flies her to the seventh heaven..she loves giving him surprises all the time (he is not that respondent though!!)...a small gesture of love and care, a little flower, a word of praise....just anything to make him feel good!!!and yes gifts!from tiny ones to the most massive extravagant ones...for him she feels exclusively expending...each gift must be well thought-after and  yes unique!as much she would love to host a house party for him, what really drives her is their one-on-one time together (and yes when both are intoxicated and high!!!)...THAT is the real deal....she likes dressing up for him, and dressing him up as well (oh!how handsome he is!my heart just skipped a beat!!!! :P ) her naughty-self loves to evoke general envy when they walk amongst the crowd together-hand-in-hand-walking-like-they-own-the-world-like-kings-and-queens....she likes nursing him alone in times of illnesses (though she keeps praying he must never fall sick), becoming the cure, the immunity and the fighting spirit . she wants to become his in every possible manner, and wishes to stay by his side in highs and in lows, in health and in sickness, together in good times and in worst possible times and in life and in death..she wishes to attend to all his major and minor needs..staying awake by his bedside or sleeping closely knitted in his arms..she loves to give him comfort, happiness, everlasting love and completeness...she loves to evoke the mad passion in him,taking him to the highest peak and bringing him down to ground, both quivering together-short-of-breath-wet-tired, yet so calm, so fascinated, so satisfied and so fulfilled.. She loves doing things to him that only she can do..but above everything she likes to put him to sleep in her arms, and watch him sleep like a child-assured-pampered-content and  awesome...she has always been this woman for him,a real woman indeed- inspiring her man for even the most tiniest nano-seconds in his life..

the static change

i see people changing there career status instantly as they have well fitted themselves in this popular social networking site. while im still the same old lame lazy-ass "who gives a damn about what" chick.. i think im a like a dinosaur and im soon to be extincted. im happy, i honestly am just that one little piece missing from the puzzle.."Foodie" my new name. thank you sir that is a complement to me. meeting simple people, meeting as complex ones too you never know how I differ from who you know I to be...to be or not to be was never the question, the question was when! today i come to realize the power of silence. Hell! it spoke a lot. Every other thing in life is prior to change, the process remains static..oh!clever clever universe! how clever are You! I see, i chuckle, and i appreciate...play along am all game for you.
P.S: not to forget my heart remains with the same prick! that ain't gonna change...cause loving you was The Process for me.

torshar kobita

 তোর্সার প্রথম কবিতা ...

দুঃখ  বুঝে  পাচ্ছিনা তাই ,
বেজায় সুখে থাকি ...
নাম দিয়েছ  দাওনি ডাকার আরাম ,
নিজেই নিজেকে  ডাকি... 

আদরবাতি

গভির অসুখ
নিশীভেজা মন শুধূ ছুঁতে চায় আদরবাতির মুখ 

About time

A boy once told me he didn't have faith in love, he was too skeptical about the nature of being for a little boy, i knew a little girl back then who believed every single word he said. The girl hadn't seen the world yet, to her this boy was the wisest hermit she ever knew...Believers have a different fate altogether and this girl was a believer  personified...Then every little girl grows up one day to meet another inconsequential menace in which she finds serenity; and every little boy becomes a man to realize its never too late to start having faith and hope; they only add dimensions to our lives only to broaden the corners of our mind. I tried explaining my theory of god once to him and the arrogant teenager he was hushed all signs of believing instantly only to stumble in life and to get back on his feet again to find that one ray of hope in her and through her to connect to love, to the eternal power that i ever held sacred.
I see that boy now; that mystic light in his eyes fading away as if being cursed by some ominous grief; that ray is yet again fading away. But this time the boy has his soul tied to truth.....Lost boy i know one day you will find your home, your happy place, i wish you never had to fall just to learn how to hold on....Now you are a believer and wisdom will find you to enlighten your heart with contentment  again...Sweet boy in-case you ever wonder this is farewell from your once known friend....My love awaits my return and so i must...my heart is filled with her light....I wish you all the best...

P.S: I think i will paint,sing and write again and this time it will only be for the truth that rests in our hearts and runs through our arteries like life....to love...