Melancholi

Now that we dont need totalk to each other anymore, now that we can sleep perfectly without the others whisper in our ears, now that we have perfectly learned to conseal, lie, and pretend to eachother, and now that we dont excite eachother anymore, i think its time for me to leave.. If i dont go now i fear i may get stuck forever.

You are so near yet so so far again.
You never understood my words, neither do you understand my silence.
My dealth goes unnoticed. So does my life.

I must leave, for everyone seems at a far distance, from where they appear to be points, yes you too, are at that much distance. I just need to go.

Its getting pretty suffocating here. It feels like a lifetime of war to breath..
I dunno if the breath is worth.
It is not worth at all.

After long long time my vission is blurred by tearclouds. Half of my heart tells me to kill myself, to end this loophole of suffering.

Can that be an answer? Or can that be a prayer? Can i not be just dead? Or can i not be free??

যে দুই চোখের স্বপ্নের রেশ মেখে,
সূৰ্য্যমুখী দিনের ভাঙল ঘুম..
তাদের পলক পরলেএকটি বার,
আমার প্রেমের পাপড়ি পরবে খসে..

তার চেয়ে বরং এমনি নিবিড় করেই,
নিরঙ্কুষ তাকাও আমার দিকে,
চোখের ভাষায় চোখ আবদ্ধ করো,
সুখ দুঃখের সবটুকু যাক মিশে...

শুধু একটি শব্দ বসাও আমার ঠোঁটে,
শুধু একটিমাত্র শব্দের দিকে তাকিয়ে
আমার সূৰ্য্যাস্ত হোক.
শুধু একটি শব্দে ঢেকে দাও আমার চোখ,
আলেয়ারেখায় নামুক অন্ধকার,
শব্দকাম ফুরোক...

A birthday wish

today's 26th. My birthday is just 3days away. Im gonna turn 26.
woah! Thats a lot of age!
 Do oldies get a wish!!!!!
I hope its yes, cause i have one.
I wish to see you, hold ur hand just once. I wish thats you would play that old black guitar for my like some random teenage day, and you would sing me a song in that deep melancholic beautiful voice. Just want to hear you sing again.
Thats just another wish which will never come true. I know.

Need a new phone with proper storage

Kobita no......

তোমার কোলে ফেলে রাখলাম ছায়া, 

আবরণহীন সদ্যজাতর মতো...

রোজ ঘুমসারে একবার বেঁচে ওঠা,

রোজ ঘুমভাঙা সকালেরা সব মৃত...

ভালোবাসা মানে এমনি তো নির্লাজ, 

নেই প্ৰসাধন, নেই কোনো মেকী আলো...

ছায়া তো মাখেনা কাজলা-লালীমা সাজ, 

ছায়াসঙ্গিনী তুফানময়ী হল...

তোমার বুকে আমার যে ছায়া জাগে, 

ঘুমপাড়ানিয়া আঙুল বোলায় মুখে.....

এমন সাধ্বীসঙ্গ করেছ আগে?

এমন প্রেমের সাধনা রেখেছ বুকে?

Note to the stranger

Whenever i see you like this, my heart sinks a bit. It really does. It stops beating for few seconds. Yes it is that much intense.
I know we are no one to each other. We are complete strangers. After all this time gap nothing can be there. No remnents, or resonance even. True i can hear you. I cant talk to you anymore. Nothing can bridge the gap between us.
Its just that iv grown too attached to ur posts. I read them everyday. I just need to know that your happy. That u r alive and strong. This desire for this information really grows heavy on me.
I cant stop. I hope you understand how it is. Im sure you do now. You know what love is, and how much it hurts.
I do not know what these feelings are, yet it is so strong. It pulls me to your blog everyday. Unloving you was an impossible task. But i did it. I do not love you anymore. But i cant stop caring. I still care. And i hate myself for it. This feeling of being connected never stops. I hope you understand well now, because u cant stop either. Its just few years for you. But for me it has been my half life almost.

I want to kill this connection even. But it will take years and dacades. And it will take massive amount of love and care and devotion which i clearly dont deserve. I dont think it is going to happen. Its like i need to be some other universe to forget you. I want to forget. Forget that you existed. But you know well how impossible it is to do.

For the sake of the universe, and for all the beauty in this world, just dont quit on yourself ok. Dont do anything stupid. Stupidity is never the answer to anything. You told me that once. Remember!!!!
For your family's sake try to live ok!!! Just dont die. Not yet!
Just complete your degree. Its just a mattervof three more years. You can do it babe. Just do it for your old man, your father. You deserve a brilliant career. I being a complete stranger have that faith on you. Just dont quit ok!! Not yet!! Not now.
Achieve it for yourself and please dont ever comeback. Not unless you become Dr. S. Sengupta. Not unless you marry a hot fatass latina. Not unless all that you planed to achieve is yours already.

I loved you once. Deeply, madly, completely. I will never buy it that a loved a loser, that i loved a man without substance. Dont tell me i wanted to sacrifice my life for a useless person. No matter how hard you try i will never believe it.

Live ok!!! Get back on your feet!
Be well. Stranger!