a thought

Friends r coming again....im back in my hometown again....heat n humidity....all the sticky sticky people n sticky sticky feelings...what is it?good to be home...sex,alcohol n night-overs...hollow life-a life indeed...i need my peace...a place in my head where no sound can be heard,where i can concentrate....n find myself..i need to close myself from inside n conceal....too much of noise...fuck it!i miss myself...

closure...

The day is coming close now....the weeping ceremony is about to begin...not for me,coz i dont weep,i just fight the tears.....i smile when the hopeless fluid finds its way down my eyes....i never drop my face,not until old age wins over anti-aging miracles....

i look at the mirror n i laugh..i love my new found red hair,n my baggy t-shirt....but still more 2 do...weight loss is the top priority,n some body arts too....if im ready to take up the pain yet,i dunno,still to explore....i want some crazy me in life..

what is with the skies n clouds?global warming man...the weather is going damn crazy,n now a days im drizzling 2 much,like there is some kind of leakage in my IgA store house...huh!crazy nights,always soaked n wet.....nights are busy and plain...

are u refine enough for urself?i dont need 2 b freaking awesome,coz i am myself...

SO?Beware of me...I'm on my way........the end is approaching...ah!i''l just let it pass over....coz im feeling kind of generous...

case closed!

the problem with me is i care too much....i should better stop...

Rediretng...

I need coffee,a good strong cup...may be some whiskey will help a lot...like hell im going to miss her,my one part family.I'll miss her voice,her warmth,her touch and her baby fat....I'm gonna miss 'me'...im gonna miss talking my heart out...n snuggling in the cozy lap.it's the perfect fit....few more days and again the heat,the sun,the noise,the smoke,the booze,the metal-head n the freak-show..time is running out,happy holidays are over....i don't love this city,mine one is better but it's good to have a family back at home otherwise it's always late night n early morning runaways...i dunno no if u will read this gibberish,but if u do u don't pity me..don't even dare....this is what i chose for myself,the happy loners life...n as long as im here I'll put myself together n hold my face....this is my happy place,without my lover,yet it is...love never brings me happiness when it's pure...n im done with a lifetime of impurities....so materials are good,they don't make a noise,they are faithful n good company to keep...n one more thing is blood,n upbringing...that matters n keeps me strong....I've chosen freedom over love which never existed from the other side, n strength over faith which he never had....
I'm redirecting...from light to darkness,but this time something good will happen,something refined,coz i never learned to pretend,n go back on words...
i mean it,this time....

Amends will be made...

confession

i donno how long i can hold on like this!but a little more of pushing myself and it's the edge......and it's really deep n scary.....i was right u are so much more happy without me,u never needed me,i can see how things are now...a new life,a new girl,a new job,a new beginning....for me?it's all over again...learning to live...y shouldn't i go on and pretend!n cheat someone!it's lucrative enough...but i cant bare their touch...burns a hell lot like cigar....dumb ass opium...doesn't work.. i would have tried to hurt myself but im done with a lifetime of stupidity,n now it wont even hurt any more...I'll have to find something new this time...but it's hopeless...im not u..i dont say just to say i mean every word i say,so go on sleep with that slut of ur's...u have your life without me.Good for u ei!finally i set u free n im the one to take up all the blame!wow!what a fair world

I've tried hard.....but always it's no response....''the network ur trying to reach is currently switched off''.....it's kinda like forever...

Meghbalika

Ghore ferar tara nei,ashao nei....megheder to ghor hoye na...shudhu ure byarano noyeto bheshe berano....r jotokhkhun na brishti naamche bhari bhari koshto r bhije bhije moner bojha boye berano...
megher kono mrityu nei,chutio nei,ghum o nei tai shopno o nei....tobu majhe majhe mone hoye akta ghor thakle bhalo hoto....sharadin shudhu uraan r ghor bandhar hahutash....shongihin megh dole thekeo dolchut,karon shobar kanna ak hoyena..........tui jalna khule rakhte parish,ami tor ghore dhukbo na...oto niche amader namte nei....oto niche namle bhenge jabo je!ami bhenge gele darun brishti hobe....bojro bidyut shoho tufaan...tor ghor bhenge jete paare.....tai jabona tor kache....ei upor thekei dekhi....shob kirom choto choto laage.....................