time flies

It's almost been a week now, since i'v felt myself breathing in your arms,
almost a week since u'v touched my lips, not even with your trembling gentle fingers,
almost a week since i'v spent my cozy and lazy afternoons all wrapped up in the sweet stench of your being... almost a week...Sigh!
No matter how much i try to deceive myself, i fail to dissociate Me, from all that loveliness i thought was there in my life..Presumptions!

Time continues to fly away in number of counting weeks, and days, and minutes and even in seconds...i stare hopelessly at the wall clock like i use to many months back. it ain't a pretty sight. I so wish i could have it caged, all that we had, the good and the best, locked in a chest, hidden safely somewhere.

Words are becoming silent gradually. All the efforts made and sweet nothings said to each other are now becoming fragmented, broken into bits and pieces, never-ending chat-lines are converting themselves into unnecessary courteous word exchanges.
I love you for giving me a beautiful dream, a more meaningful something which i could hold onto...and I hate you for making all of it become mundane in due course of time....

Fragmentation is the primary symptom of any disease, and diseased is what we have become..Two diseased souls separated by the universes, united in their agonies...
Even the agony becomes something to cherish sometimes, something to cling onto... A friend taught me this.

I know more such weeks are yet to pass by,and more agony will come along, to find there remorse, to justify themselves, and i must be patient, i must hang on, as i'm the only one left to listen to them.

Come back in good times love, and in the fondest memories...Take care.

funeral notice

Some people are there in my life,
they are not just people, but chaos
and they never seem to go..

but they have to, they must go.
it will happen very soon.

A new Dawn awaits

i dunno how to begin and what to begin with....another year gone,another approached. One learning it gave me....nothing in this universe stays empty, not even vacuum...like an absolute golden rule, things get replaced, people get new faces, relationships get new name and even feelings convert...Someone has to leave in order to make room for someone else...Change is a constant paradigm. Years come and go, its just a matter of time, and with time and experiences the prototype undergoes frameshifts and scaffolding.
The year 2014 when it came was as insignificant as my present time mental state, but now when i look back (Ya! i do that a lot!) im surprised beyond anything to find out some real time frame-shifts. I am not that girl i once was anymore, im somewhat with more grey hair, not on the outside though, but when I come in vicinity with Me, i can not count all that grey, it gets tiring.
Jake! you left!like everyone else...I know I had pushed you away, I know you had to go.....Its just my visit to my memory lanes remind me of, and then again life had taught me in hardest way promises are meant to be broken...Not that you intended to, but a break is a break enough just to bring you back to your deadeyne
, where you no longer can live in deception. And people call Me Poser!!!i laugh...dunno what else to do.
This year taught me one more thing, the best answer to all the pain is laugh, so i laugh it all away, and the best answer to anger, misjudgement and failure is patience, so i sleep on them...
Phishy boy, i miss the laughter in you mischievous eyes..My heart Yearns to see you happy, and your smile come up to your eyes once again.
This years has given me friends in a place where friendship was least expected. Naveen, Vijay, Aniket, i hope you stay for a while...Im getting too used to our stupid crazy laughter, naughty conversations and all that good thing. Friendship heals a lot, and a lot faster, its true.2014 taught me....
Babe! You're an Adonis, and you've been living at a substantial distance..where the longinquity has always been so high how can i not see that i had always lived in the outskirts of your heart, never been an insider, and never i will be..At times the bewildered eyes do not see beyond mere perceptions. I have been blind likely.
I am slowly and gradually retiring, withdrawing myself from all your essence, all the bewilderment, and from the outside world. I am retiring to my abode in my core, where words dwell deeper than those who carry them. I am going away. No one shall ever notice before i remove my last stench from the quintessential surrounding. I am sorted.
I am going to make this look like an evolution, you will never know, no one would ever feel that something is wrong when i am not around, ill make it natural, just like gone winds, rains, summers, winters and gone time.
This is my resolution for 2015. As the dawn approaches let me touch the light, and become one with it.

Amen!!!

being dumb..

Dumbness is an expression, the feeling though is being voiceless...if i can coin this situation as a monotonous diseased condition then, yes again it started...again...again im losing my voice...i have words, so many of them, so many, but confided in my mind..."overcrowding" is the word, yes my thoughts again overcrowding, casting a huge slithery shadow on my mind, yes they slither...im hopelessly positive to find my voice again, sing my heart out like a lark, but then again nothing comes out. I love them, as they all love me. but so much to comprehend, and so little coming out. Haven't felt this dumb for a while, and here it is again, relapsing over n over,like some weird carcinoma. I wish i could be chirpy, talkative again, i miss being the cheerful me.

N.B: I'm diagnosed with chronic obstructive pulmonary disorder(Again!). Few diseases kill you slowly, and they've got no cure, no matter how strong or positive you are you cannot cure a few heartaches ever.

Some left-alone facts

1. about life and love-
If there is one word for me in this universe then it should be "spontaneous"..i am all about doing it NOW.....:)
it is only after 2007, when i was brought back to life from my suicidal attempt (yes! don't look so surprised, i wanted to kill myself and succeeded to some extent as well! it was a spontaneous stupidity!) i started seeing things in a different light, yes! it was a turning point of my life, and though you are infuriated with me jake, it is mainly because of your and Sudip's efforts that i am this reformed person. Without your love my life would have been impossible. I know you are not going to read this, i still wanted some kind of documentation of this fact. let the readers know you are one prime reason of me-being-me....my one best friend, you are you always. Now i acknowledge all the love around me, respect them and to top them all love myself and those who belong to me. I accept all that comes with wide open arms and let go of what is disturbing my mental peace. I let things touch me at all the right places, and all my wrong places are heavily guarded. So, no one affects me without my permission. My wishes and impulses have risen in values like the rising index of gold.
2. about scars and defences-
Like everyone else i too have a fare share of scars from life. Life is like a naughty kid, if you play along with him and don't let him win he will inadvertently give you a lot of scars, yes! he will cheat on you. My suggestion forgive him and do the fare play in the end life will make amends with you. Do not beckon to him yet pay him respect, let him get tired of cheating, teach him a lesson of positivity and he will reward you back. I have never felt so positive for years now. Don't worry about the scars, wear them like an ornament like aging people wear there grey hairs as a proud possession of their wisdom and maturity. Let your guards down, enjoy life, but remember all the time where you hide your aces and spades
3. About physicality...
Your body is a temple where a part of almighty is residing. Take good care of it. It was not given to you so that you can conduct weird experiments on it. True you only have the full ownership of your body but while using it as an experimental device listen to your heart-call. There you will hear the eternal light speaking to you. It is no toy, respect it and it will reward you with good health and lots of positivity, treat it like another commodity and it will take a toll on your mind. Your body is not an object it has a mind of its own, do not underestimate its power, keep it happy, keep it content and pleased all the time. remember it is after all a temple, treat it likewise.

being The woman...

Like all the other women under the sun she too likes taking care of her man..she likes to cook hearty meals for him, and feed him well...it gives her immense happiness when he is well-fed (yes both mentally and physically)..she likes to pack his meal-boxes, sometimes carry them over to him when he is too exhausted after a busy working day or a strenuous exam..it is moments like these when her heart tells her to stuff his mouth with spoons full of comfort foods...his well-being keeps her content and giver her the peace of mind..and sometimes a word or two of appreciation from him flies her to the seventh heaven..she loves giving him surprises all the time (he is not that respondent though!!)...a small gesture of love and care, a little flower, a word of praise....just anything to make him feel good!!!and yes gifts!from tiny ones to the most massive extravagant ones...for him she feels exclusively expending...each gift must be well thought-after and  yes unique!as much she would love to host a house party for him, what really drives her is their one-on-one time together (and yes when both are intoxicated and high!!!)...THAT is the real deal....she likes dressing up for him, and dressing him up as well (oh!how handsome he is!my heart just skipped a beat!!!! :P ) her naughty-self loves to evoke general envy when they walk amongst the crowd together-hand-in-hand-walking-like-they-own-the-world-like-kings-and-queens....she likes nursing him alone in times of illnesses (though she keeps praying he must never fall sick), becoming the cure, the immunity and the fighting spirit . she wants to become his in every possible manner, and wishes to stay by his side in highs and in lows, in health and in sickness, together in good times and in worst possible times and in life and in death..she wishes to attend to all his major and minor needs..staying awake by his bedside or sleeping closely knitted in his arms..she loves to give him comfort, happiness, everlasting love and completeness...she loves to evoke the mad passion in him,taking him to the highest peak and bringing him down to ground, both quivering together-short-of-breath-wet-tired, yet so calm, so fascinated, so satisfied and so fulfilled.. She loves doing things to him that only she can do..but above everything she likes to put him to sleep in her arms, and watch him sleep like a child-assured-pampered-content and  awesome...she has always been this woman for him,a real woman indeed- inspiring her man for even the most tiniest nano-seconds in his life..

the static change

i see people changing there career status instantly as they have well fitted themselves in this popular social networking site. while im still the same old lame lazy-ass "who gives a damn about what" chick.. i think im a like a dinosaur and im soon to be extincted. im happy, i honestly am just that one little piece missing from the puzzle.."Foodie" my new name. thank you sir that is a complement to me. meeting simple people, meeting as complex ones too you never know how I differ from who you know I to be...to be or not to be was never the question, the question was when! today i come to realize the power of silence. Hell! it spoke a lot. Every other thing in life is prior to change, the process remains static..oh!clever clever universe! how clever are You! I see, i chuckle, and i appreciate...play along am all game for you.
P.S: not to forget my heart remains with the same prick! that ain't gonna change...cause loving you was The Process for me.