Note to.the self

what the hell is wrong with this universe????
nothing, its your fault that you are a bitch. You who sees everything coming, yet gets yourself into heartaches.
You are no goddess, you cant be perfect. You never wanted to be one in the first place. Your plate is full, you know it. You burn down families, and friends and everything around you, you burn people because you are fire.
You never wanted to hurt anyone. People are hurt still when you are around.
stop associating, start dissociating.

Yes you are right. I must disappear like i did once before. I must go. Because im human too. Im too much burned. Cant burn anymore. Cant run anymore. 

hollow

Seaven seas away,
where the sun sets by the bay,
lives a man with an unknown name,
with a smile that forever makes my day.

across thriteen rivers,
he travels, and lingers,
his sweet sweat and tears,
fills up the western air...

No road can lead me there,
no ocean to swim through,
there's so much vacant air,
no wings to fly me to you...

ঋজু তোকে..

ঋজু তুই একটু ভালো থাক...
আমার মেয়েবেলার স্মৃতিলেখা তুই...
এত কষ্ট কেন দিবি নিজেকে?
কেন থাকবি এত মনমরা হয়ে..
বহুদূরে তুই.. তাও তোর কষ্ট হলে আজও আমার ভীষণ কষ্ট হয়..
আজ আর তুই আমার প্রেমে নেই, জীবনেও নেই, আর কোনোদিন দেখাও হবেনা জানি...
আমার আর তোর মাঝে জন্মজন্মান্তরের এক বিভাজন রেখা টানা হয়ে গেছে...
সেই দেওয়াল পার করব সাধ্য নেই, শক্তি নেই...
তুই আরও অনেক দূরে থাক, তবু ভালো থাক, শান্তিতে থাক... যে শান্তির জন্য মদ লাগেনা, মরণ লাগেনা... শুধু তোকে ভালো দেখতে চাই... সুখী দেখতে চাই.. তোর কষ্ট আমায় আজও কষ্ট দেয়..
তোর হাসিটা কোথায় হারিয়ে গেছে...আর দেখতে পাইনা আমি.. আমায় হারিয়ে দিসনা এভাবে..
সোনা পালাসনা আর. একটু থাম. শান্তি আসুক তোর জীবনে... শান্তি আসতে দে..

Intensions and executions

im tired of the human race.
i truely am.
i want to ruaway to a faraway jungle and never come back.
i know no one ever had the intensions of hurting me ever!!!!!
sure!!! But knock knock reality check!!!! Every single one of them cut me into pieces and execute a perfect murder every time.
Yes! They judge me! All of them!
When they lie, hide make a fool of me then its all ok to them because what they executed was not there intensions!!!!
what good justification!!!!
Reality check!!! The stones they throw elsewhere have hit me all the time.. I suffer, i bleed, i die.
who cares!!! Everyone pretends!!! All they care about is their own intensions.
A death is a death irrespective of the killer's intensions.
when the trust is killed it can never be brought back to life. It never comes back.
they think im a tissue paper, use and throw, they think im a garbage bin. All there emotionaal/social/mental wastes can be deposited in me. Cummon! I mean even the bin needs cleaning. They expect me to auto clean myself.
This world is fake, and is filled with fake words. Trusting people is foolishness.
No one intends to weep in my funeral, i know well when the time comes, they will execute the weeping act farely well.

I will leave them all, all their pretensions even before they can blink i will disappear.

Loyal

I ask myself often have i forgotten you???
and the obvious answer is no. I have'nt. I have never learned to forget you.
Your eyes, your smile, your words are still afresh, just like yesterday.
and after so much time and space and separations, i still find the hidden will to communicate.
and this is how i know i am the most loyal person in the world. Despite all my evils and inner demons my loyalty never fails me. Or should i say it never fails you?

salt-sugar-life

I know lonliness tastes salty. But i dont mind some salt in my life. Rather its time to bid farewell to the sweet things.
All that sweetness only adding up burden, only creating empty attachments.
I find salt everywhere these days. My life filled with superficial aerated relationships. Its ok. There is no bitterness.
New life is coming.
I need to get back to my diamond shell. A shell that is unpiercable. The worst mistake was to shed it off. Time to get inside it, rebuild and secure myself. Time to shed off all attachments.
people are same, they all are lame. Best way is to find serenity and resort in ones own solitude.
I need to get back to being ME. Live with respect. Respect myself.
No one is invincible, no one is priceless.
I have managed well to hide myself, all words have recoiled back successfully. Im doing it well. Silently very slowly i am metamorphosing. All seems good.
Time is the most precious resource. Because it cannot be earned back, and unlike any other it will automatically  be spent, exhausted whether you use it or you dont. Hence better to use it, and use it well. Before its all gone.
I welcome the salt, but not excess of it, excess salt cant be taken. Time to cut out the sugars from life, they taste good, Give energy, but more than required amount, they rot you. One needs to strike up a balance. One needs to be free...

3/08/2015

Aaj tor jonmodin... My jake...
shokale tor gola shunlam bohumash por aaj.. Ami kandchilam..tui ki r aaj amar nishshobdo kannagulo shunte pash???? Amar nishshobdo kannagulo shonar lokta amay ghire royeche akhono... Tui achish, jamon aage chilish. Aajo toke khub bhalobashi. Nahole ato koshto hobe kano?eibhabe golar niche dolapakano byatha janiye dichche tui thakbi amar kache eibhabe.
Aaj ei prothom bochor, tor jonmodin othocho tor shathe aaj amar dyakha hobena. Aaj amra pashapashi haantbona, hashbona..Akta ajob shunyota ter pachchi buker modhye, bukta huhu korche. Onek kichui kaaler niyome palte gache, aro jabe. Ei jibone kichu sthayi noy. Tor chowatuku ache, thakbe.
Tor moto r keu na, keu hobena konodin. Tui bhalo achish, er beshi ar ki chaibo ami jibone. Tui egiye gechish shob tiktota jhere fele, etai amar onek paona. Tui bhalo thak. Anonde thak. Ami onek dure thekeo shudhu tui bhalo achish etuku niye thakte chai. Miss u re. I miss you jake.