Sunday, January 22, 2012

the gal n guy next door

rahul das n asmita mukherjee the boy n gal next door....never in my wildest dreams i thought that i will find friendship in the oddest of place,n to be honest with the oddest of people.....the thing about asmita is that she kills me,u may not find her a stunner,or even very pretty,but then when she puts on her black salwar or her strange blue kurti with the faintest of make up im not exaggerating but she kills me,she's the kind of girl who i would have fallen in love and got married to if i where a boy,since im a gal n very much straight i can only praise her in my mind.....she's not that perfect to be true,but i even love her flaws....n the way she tolerates me,n bears with my arrogance n craziness n everything...i cant imagine this coming from a girl like her....i love her so much...n cant bear with her pain....i am bound to say that she found me rather than i found her...she was the one coming to me arms extended n she took me for what i am,though very opposite to her.........she is confused n fragile n worried all-the-time,but i guess i love that too....coz it fits her so much...when she is skipping the classes it's hard for me to go on,i feel somewhat empty......
then there is rahul-a very average looking,average height,average boy....but boy! what an awesome person he is....when i first saw him never in my bizarrest of dreams i once thought i could be friends with this guy....but im glad life turned out differently....n since i'v written so much average about him,i must confess he is'nt any average buy slightest of means.....he is as a matter of fact an intriguingly interesting guy,though a soul introvert iv not came across any more open minded guy than him...n his ideologies interest me further more...he's a guy too hard to read but i enjoy his riddles,his unpredictableness,n his openness....there is something very fresh about him.....n he is very intelligent indeed,not a poser like others n very humble....i enjoy his company to an extend of fondness.....true how can any girl knowing him can resist falling in love with him!(apart from me,as im already so pre-occupied with so many men in mah life...n i take him as my brother) i mean he is so lovely for crissake!
and i have only till June with these two n at the thought of it my heart sinks...it sinks badly...but being the bad-ass sick optimist i am,i think im gonna make the most of it...these last few months with them....n scribble them forever in my memoirs...as awesome parts of my life.....i love u both n im gonna miss u.....but im gonna think of u till the very end...

Sunday, January 15, 2012

winter

cold is the wind outside
shivers crawling up my spine..
hasty days are passing by,
leaving me another sign....

nothing to mourn about
living life is not a regret..
survival with the harshest odds
life's never been a safer bet....

they speak to me deep within
when winter's here finally,
with each reception in my head
my soul descends fiercely


on winter nights,in memory lane,
who can tell how spirits die...
feeble thoughts in my fading mind
northern winds just washing by....

Saturday, January 7, 2012

can cry 4 only one

u can let love in Ur lyf,
whenever u want whenever u wish..
but u cant mourn them all,
coz there's only one u'll really miss...
u can set ur feelings free,
feelings so pure,feelings so true...
but there'll be only one,
who'll be by ur side althrough...
when ur happy in his arms,
do not let the guilt set in...
coz,when u truly love someone,
crying for another is'nt a sin...
walk ur way ahead with a smile,
deep inside keep that pain...
ur tears r wth a special one,
where ur love n grief should remain...
ur lovers n their loving touch,
without them ur life is vein...
though u can cry 4 only one,
coz ur love 4 him is insane....

with u

please!please!please!switch on the light...
im so scared of my blinded sight...
i feel so naked,i feel so blue...
it makes my soul to be untrue....


lost in the field of shattered dreams,i want to yield light,i want to paint the sky with you...

please!please!please!hold me tight,
im so stoned,im so high...
make me smile,make me do,
this darkened night,sinks me through

lost in vicinity of obscenity,i want to chase the light,i want to run away with you....

Sunday, January 1, 2012

fear

welcome new year...welcome 2012....another year begins....so begins the fear....what do i do with my life....i know what i want to...but is that good enough....im scared to be honest....
my new year resolutions are-
  1. have to lose weight,at-least 15 kg.. so i can be hot again...
  2. have to qualify csir net...
  3. have to get a decent job..
  4. have to set my mind right,& most importantly
  • have to get you of my mind...
i fear  i will fail...atleast in the last one.....i miss you....i miss your terrific lips...



Monday, December 5, 2011

i hate my life.i hate every part of it i swear....no matter what i do the huge weight of the expectations is never lifted of my chest....explains my breathing troubles....if i trip just for one moment,i find myself 10feets under the ground,buried,suffocated....about those extra miles i should walk,i know they would never end....no matter how hard i try people will only remember my fall,and how badly others are hurt....well what about the part where  im broken,where i feel alone to the core,i feel betrayed and not loved,unwanted....don't buy me commodities,they can't buy me....i cant change who i am,i would rather not exist...coz being different,on an introvert is part of being me.....may be im not good for the rest of the world,but im good for me.....i want myself to be me,to stick by me till the very end coz no one else will....im a loner now i guess....in my mind i find it empty and dark...the only time i feel real,alive is when im with u jake....people are so fake,n i still have to justify them....too much time has passed,true,nothing can be undone now....commodities wont by my pains,my humiliations,my ruined screwed up mind..i spit on them....i dont even remember the last time i was happy.....all iv been lately is working,like dogs,for grades,for money,done things i never wanted,iv coped....now i feel sick to the edge of it....i feel i can throw up with my empty stomach...im done,im so so done......i quit this foolishness....i wont beg anymore,for food,for mercy.....i wont eat like a dog...true,iv not eaten since last 2days,and to be honest,i dont feel any hunger....i dont care if i die now,i wont end this....no matter how worse or ugly things get......i wont quit on this,i wont quit on me...
p.s-note to the rest of the world-nothing will change with me,so,all attempts made are gonna be in vein.....so,if u want a different version of me,i hope u enjoy disappointment....

Saturday, December 3, 2011

biday

jolsunyo chokhe biday janai tomake
jibitoder bhir theke mishey jabo ak moha sunye,
amar mrito chokhe tai jol nei
ache bubhukkhu machider shoddo para dim...

... shilper tarona ache,shilpir shudhu mrityu,
amake bojhar bhar nai ba chapale aar
tomader oi ak khupri mostishker ghare..
utshob koro mortobashi...PAGLI MORECHE,MORBE....

ami to mrito chilam shotabdi purbeo,
tokhono chilo chitkar,bhortshona,dhikkar...
ghennara aajo shohobash kore tomader chahonite..
tomar slesh-bakkera aajo tate chappa mere jay..

tobuo shey mritodehe kichu ushnota baki chilo,
tokhono amar mangsho khuble khuble khute
roshonar tripto bashonay unmad hoyni,
jajabor lolup potonger dol...

kobir protibader gola tepa shohoj
tobu probol jontrona niye shorob thake kobitara..
amar mostishko-proshuto bejonmar dol,
amari moto abol-tabol opangteyo...

ghune chata shada bashi mora thonte
kothao ektu bhasha roye gache baaki
oke urte dao,mukti dao,shesh hok nihshash,
amar e shobdeho dao ognigorbhe shope...

tomader bhire amar sthan nei atotuku,
chilona ja ta thakbe na konodino....
osru noy falo kerosin ei lekhay
oshustho kobinir oshustho bidayer aahuti....